Everyone is struggling.
Semua orang sedang berperang dalam diri.
SEMUA.
Tinggalnya, berjuang untuk redha Allah atau sebaliknya.
Tentu-tentu, yang berjuang untuk Syurga Allah itu lebih susah.
Walau mungkin pancaran wajah tunjukkan sebaliknya.
Walau mungkin urusan dunia nampak mudah, lancar.
Hanya Allah tahu perjuangan yang dibisikkan hati.
Allah sendiri janji,
syurga itu pintunya terbuka luas
tapi dipagari dengan susah payah.
Mana mungkin hidup senang di dunia
Kalau syurga yang kita impikan.
*Draft dated 4th Nov 2014 - during my depressed phase.. where I can say things like these to people around, even to myself, a thousand times but still can't make me feel better. I didn't deny it, I just lost the ability/strength to "feel" it. That's why I decided not-to-post-anything or revert-everything-to-draft back then because I felt like a hypocrite and I loathed myself. I felt inadequate, unworthy, insecure, useless, helpless.. wouldn't say depression because people will start question me whether I was diagnosed clinically.. No I did not. So I could only say I was feeling too depressed to live well. A friend of mine did, our symptoms were almost similar and she shared her doctor's advices and that had helped me a LOT. Our root problem were totally different but what we both felt were similar. Having someone who understands plus those professional advices (though indirectly) really helped pulling me out from my vicious mental cycle.
Alhamdulillah I survived that phase (thanks to a few certain people). Still got problems here and there every now and then, but my mental state is so much better now. Alhamdulillah for sanity.
And those words, are still a applicable as a reminder to self.. and everyone who may come across this blog.
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