Asing

Bismillah

Sekarang ni ramai dah well informed pasal depression. Alhamdulillah. Masa terkena dulu, I didn't know that I was having symptoms. Bila dah okey and healed, and nampak dunia lebih terang.. barulah baca pasal depression and sedar. I am glad I manage to get out of it although with much hardships and very little support. 

I suddenly remember saying to a dear friend one day that I know she didn't had any idea what I meant and why I said it then. I was saying something like

"Tak tahu kenapa sekarang rasa macam semua orang asing. Macam dah tak kenal semua orang. Even tgh sembang dengan ko ni pun rasa awkward. Rasa macam tak pernah rapat dengan ko. Dengan semua orang"

She just replied "Ko kenapa??" with a slight disappointed tone.

..

And we used to bersembang tak reti henti, tak tido malam sebab sembang je.. sharing secrets, sharing funny moments, buat lawak bodoh sama2, ketawa sama-sama, nangis sama-sama, lari dari orang lain sama-sama, just for fun.. macam2..

But I can't even feel anything at that moment. Sayang tak. Benci tak. Rindu tak. Happy tak. Sedih tak. Numbed. I can't quite figure what I was feeling then and I don't really know how to convey it so that people could understand and help me.

Alhamdulillah it's all in the pass now. I hope I would never go back to that state ever again.