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Assalamualaikum.

The truth is I've been in sorrow. Something happened. Just the night before the night of Ramadhan. In which I know has been going on behind my back but it doesn't hit me as hard as seeing it for myself. Entah. Menggigil. Had to face the truth finally. The truth of my failure. Of our failure. My mind has been occupied with the incident as much as time permits. The flashbacks are haunting me when I'm alone. And I don't even think I am exaggerating.

I wish I could write about it somewhere and how I feel about it, so that I won't forget it and take it as a lesson of my lifetime. I wish I could share but I could not. Something so forbidden to be shared. A very sensitive topic. Taboo. I don't really know where I should turn to, what I should really say or do about it. Sometimes it even made me feel resentful towards my new usrah group that I feel is not really functioning for me for so many reasons but I could only blame myself, as I know everyone tried their best.. Mesti ada hikmahnya.

But of course things like these just brings us back and closer to Allah, right? InshaAllah.

I think too hard, my mind gets complicated. But I know all that I should do is DO. Do better. Be better. Turn back to Allah 100%.

Kadang2 sampai terbisik dalam hati, Ya Allah dunia terlalu melelahkan. Take me back to you T.T tapi diri masih terlalu byk dosa.. Astaghfirullah..

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Terima kasih kepada cik yang kehilangan jam (I know it's you) sebab search for my 'jam' entries, which brought me back to some posts yang entah kenapa rasa terpujuk. Dulu2 banyak menulis untuk pujuk dan usaha positifkan diri, and bila baca balik memang berjaya pujuk and positifkan sikit diri.

Mestilah sendiri tulis sendiri yang lebih faham kan perasaan sebenar yang terkandung di sebalik setiap post. Di mana most of the time I manage to smile when thing gets hard just by writing that I need to smile.

Sekian menuang sedikit beban di hati.
Semoga cik kesayanganku yang kehilangan jam tersayangnya itu dapat bertemu kembali.
Ameen.